Happened to be the least noticeable river I've ever seen in my life.

Running freely she is.

Her will, never-stopping.

Such admirable courage.

I was flipping through the photos in my (old) phone and saw a photo of my grandma I took about two weeks ago. It reminded of me of the thing she said the other day.

Ok, my skill of writing a Kelantanese dialect speech (and speaking one) apparently sucks big time ;__;

Basically, every time we were to talk about the old times, she would retell me of the story over and over again. I always find it awkward to react to her story as she was telling it by looking deep into my eyes, as if it was something horrible she could not get over it forever. So I would just keep quite and listen to her and nodded.

But at the same time, I did imagine that I could have died that day and what would happen if I did:

However, I did not die.

I guess her story reminds me that I have escaped death twice. Escaped the second one 11 years later.

Up to the present day I could not unravel the mystery behind these occurrences but one thing I'm sure of, everything happens for a reason. I can't possibly find any word or action equally adequate to say how thankful I am for Allah has given me the third chance to live on His earth. He must have meant serious business here, as a disdained, lowly creation of Him who's still struggling to keep her heart so close to Him, I certainly did not deserve such a chance. And what's more, my flaws and weaknesses sometimes stray me away from Him and made me forget how fortunate of me to be alive today, to still have the time to correct myself and do all the good deeds that He deserve, while the time lasts.

Everyday is a new leaf and time is money. Get up and work towards the betterment. Let's be well-equipped for the Eternity.

May Allah accept.

"And He gave you of all that you asked for, and if you count the Blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them. Verily! Man is indeed an extreme wrong-doer, - a disbeliever (an extreme ingrate, denies Allah's Blessings by disbelief, and by worshiping others besides Allah, and by disobeying Allah and His Prophet Muhammad PBUH)." 

(Surah Ibrahim, 14:34)

Sunday, 1.12.2013, around 9.30 a.m., the translation of the very ayah was recited by the man at the podium. Among other surah, among other ayah, this very ayah was recited. It meant something, it had to mean something, especially when it was recited in front of more than 400 fresh graduates, dressed in their crisp robe, quirky hood, wearing the ever so famous black-coloured mortar board. We were all in a hall at Taman Tamadun Islam, Sidang Dua, attending UniSZA 5th Convocation Ceremony.

He did not really say much of the ayah, except for reciting it out loud (due to the time constraint I believe). I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself due to the sudden rush of panic attack for I would be the first person, of the first row, to receive the scroll in the morning - and I did not attend the rehearsal held three days before-hand. As I was settling down, I saw the ayah on the screen projected a few yards in front of me, then re-reading it a few times, trying to digest the meaning behind it. Well, it was more than the meaning, it was the reality I was trying to grasp. 

"What am I in this robe is doing here today?" 

"This scroll that I will be receiving, what will be of its use?"

It won't certainly going to be just a fancy paper only to be received after 4 years of study. To call it a hard-work masterpiece would certainly be an extreme hyperbole as too much procrastination, time-wasting, last-minute works of a quality lower than actually to be expected, late class attendances and countless absenteeisms were involved along the process. Nah, I was even one of the latest persons to show up this morning! My heart was filled with shame and disappointment. "Man is indeed an extreme wrong-doer." says the ayah. I was angry at myself. 

Helplessly, I sat there in silence, telling myself what a wonderful feeling it would be if I deserve today. How meaningful it would be if I could reverse the time and make my study years as fruitful as they should have been. How I wish I did not take for granted the time He had given me. How I wish I could really be thankful for the countless blessings of Allah!

"Semoga sijil ini tidak menghumban diriku ke neraka." - Dr. Ustaz Riduan Nor

Time passed, years gone, and only the future is left to be amended. With this scroll in my hand, the greatest most challenging question I am facing right now is, "How can I serve Allah?". 

Temporary world, my destination is still far ahead. And this is just a beginning. 

May Allah accept.

I feel that there's a need for me to fill the blank page over here under two reasons: 1) I've been procrastinating long enough 2) I just feel like writing stuffs, and I'm bored doing my never-ending thesis (that makes it all three - God how I wish I could just fast-forward this troublesome segment of thesis-writing in my life). 

I often wonder how do people around me deal with their own life. My mum for instance, is she happy today? Or is she sad, and why is she so? How is she progressing with her life? What are her everyday difficulties? Up to her age now, did she achieved all her wants in her life? And there is my brother, does he feel satisfied with all the winnings in his online game? What will he do in the future? Is he mad at me today that I blabbered at him yesterday?

And there's me, writing this thing right here. As I typed this, I have these huge number of other thoughts in my mind. Oh look I have to finish the Chapter 2 of my thesis by the end of this week; darn I haven't even do my laundry!; hey why don't I listen to some music right now, I can multi-task what; will this thing I write here benefit anyone?; did I write it well enough?; can I graduate this year?; maybe I should drink more plain water?; and so many other stuffs. By the look of my physical, no one could ever tell what I'm thinking at the moment. People would just pass by me and think of me as another stranger, just a common pedestrian, someone of no importance that they meet in life. And I would look at them and think of them as the same.

The one thing that I often forgot is that, everyone is the same as me. We are human, we have our own struggles and hardships in life. Whoever the person is (e.g. a doctor, a sanitary worker, or even a homeless guy) there must be something difficult that he or she has to deal in life every day. This difficulty could be of anything. It could be that the person I met today at 7E has just experienced a death in his family, or the akak pisang goreng probably just had her finger cut by the knife, or the little kid I bumped into yesterday probably was an orphan.

These people and the hardships they deal in their life, if we never ask them, we'll never know their story. Thus the least thing we can do is to be nice to them. Don't be too quick to jump into judgement on them. And be sure to appreciate them as they are, think of them as the same with us. Just picture ourselves in their shoe, then are we strong enough to deal with their struggles? And their struggles, are they comparable with our own struggles? If not, are we not lucky to not to experience things they have to go through each day?

The Prophet Muhammad (s) said: "Be kind, for whenever kindness becomes part of something, it beautifies it. Whenever it is taken from something, it leaves it tarnished".